While sitting in the San Antonio airport a couple weeks ago, I turned to my boss and pointed out a FedEx cargo plane taxiing past the windows. "If I were gonna be a pilot, I think I'd rather fly one of those."
She looked at me strangely.
"Think of it," I said. "No passengers to deal with. You fly it where it needs to go. No backtalk."
"You're *such* a people person," she told me.
Another comment that's been echoing in my head is from a conversation I had with a fellow student a couple years back.
"You never let personal feelings get in the way of a decision," she told me.
I don't think she meant it as a compliment.
As I'm looking back over my last few posts, those comments have been taking on heavier weight.
Did anybody else notice that I didn't include time for family in my ideal schedule other than as an interruption? Somethings out of whack here.
Back to dark ponderings.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Intermission: Can I die with that...?
I spent most of my life considering options with the final criteron being "Can I live with that...?" Will I be able to continue my life and look in the mirror ever morning and not hate the guy looking back? And way too often, the answer was "Yea, sure. I can live with that." I'm a very forgiving guy.
For the last couple of years, tho, my bottom line has shifted to "Can I die with that...?" It's not as morbid as it sounds -- well, ya .. ok .. probably it is -- but the idea is that I feel like I need to be thinking about what it'll be like in that last month or hour or minute. If I look back over my life, will I regret making the choice I'm making? Was it something I decided because it was easy or pleasant or desirable, but ultimately wasn't the choice I'd make because it was Right?
The options are complicated by 20/20 hindsight of course and you never really know if your decisions are the right ones. But if you knew you were going to die this afternoon, would you still do what you're planning to do this morning? A lot of days with "no" as the answer means something is wrong.
Leslie thinks I work too much and she's probably right.
But I feel the clock ticking and there's so much I'm going to have to leave undone as it is. I *do* need some downtime ... no question. But if I were to die this afternoon and I took this morning off, it just wouldn't feel right.
For the last couple of years, tho, my bottom line has shifted to "Can I die with that...?" It's not as morbid as it sounds -- well, ya .. ok .. probably it is -- but the idea is that I feel like I need to be thinking about what it'll be like in that last month or hour or minute. If I look back over my life, will I regret making the choice I'm making? Was it something I decided because it was easy or pleasant or desirable, but ultimately wasn't the choice I'd make because it was Right?
The options are complicated by 20/20 hindsight of course and you never really know if your decisions are the right ones. But if you knew you were going to die this afternoon, would you still do what you're planning to do this morning? A lot of days with "no" as the answer means something is wrong.
Leslie thinks I work too much and she's probably right.
But I feel the clock ticking and there's so much I'm going to have to leave undone as it is. I *do* need some downtime ... no question. But if I were to die this afternoon and I took this morning off, it just wouldn't feel right.
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